Training your dog and navigating your dog's behavior can sometimes feel like running on a treadmill: a lot of effort but not really moving forward.
Your dog isn't a bad dog, they just suck at being human. By focusing on understanding and trust through communication techniques, rather than just strictly training your dog, you can build a stronger bond. Let’s explore ten effective strategies to improve your relationship with your dog, and thereby your dog's behavior, using this approach.
4. Remember the 90/10 Rule of Dog Training
7. Give Your Dog (and Yourself) a Break
Elevating Your Bond with Your Dog
1. Dog Training vs. Dog Behavior: Know the Difference
Imagine you're on a road out west, say Arizona. Clear line of view for miles down that straight road. Roughly 15 miles away from where you're standing in Humanland is your dog, who's living in Dogland.
The goal is to get your dog as close as you can to Humanland.
Dog training is the drive your dog makes from Dogland to Humanland.
Dog training is asking a dog navigate closer to being human.
Behavior is the dog's ability to read to road conditions as they travel.
A dog jumping on you is a behavior issue. Teaching a dog to sit on command is training.
Another way to look at it is an 8-year-old child who is trying to get their math homework done. The training part is the math homework: a child is literally being trained or taught to do math. How easy it is for them depends upon their current behavior.
Is it 11 pm and they still haven't had dinner? Are they overwhelmed and crying from frustration? Is there a thunderstorm that's frightening them? Did they have a Redbull and a candy bar right before trying to do their homework? These are all situations that will result in difficulties with their behavior, and math training will go poorly.
Or is it 7 pm, right after dinner? Is a trusted adult calmly sitting with them, answering their questions as they come up? Is the child being allowed to take breaks if they become overstimulated? This child is able to better manage their behavior, and therefore succeed at math training.
2. Understand the Components of Dog Behavior
The 2 key drivers of a dog's behavior are levels of impulse control and anxiety. In order to train a dog, you have to make sure that they are in a good place behaviorally speaking first.
Sit, stay, come...those all are useless if your dog still doesn't have the impulse control to not jump all over strangers. Leash walking is going to be a bust for an anxious puppy mill rescue who has literally never touched grass before.
Behavioral issues should always be addressed prior to trying to train your dog.
Work on the impulse control and the anxiety before starting to train your dog, and the training aspect of your relationship will go smoothly and quickly.
3. Build Trust with Your Dog With Follow-Through, Not Necessarily Consistency
Most dog trainers will tell you that dog training is based on consistency, and for the most part, they're right. If you consistently say "sit" for the sitting action, your dog will quickly learn what you expect, making it easier for both of you.
However, consistency alone won't do much for your dog's overall behavior, and might only frustrate you.
Is it necessary to consistently make your dog sit before you give them their food? Or is it more important to follow through when you tell them sit?
It's the follow-through that gets your dog's behavior back on a positive track. Why? Because if you're focused on consistency alone, you'll start to feel as if you're consistently battling with your dog, and that every battle is equally important.
But they aren't all equal.
Let's use kids as an example. My children weren't made to consistently keep their rooms clean, and sometimes those rooms got downright messy!
But the energy I could have expended on consistently making them keep their rooms clean was instead diverted to things I felt were more important: schoolwork, household chores, volunteer activities, and personal growth. We focused on the big ticket items first.
However, if I told my kids to clean their rooms, I absolutely followed through until their rooms were clean.
With dogs and kids, it's important to win 100% of the battles you choose worthy to fight.
If my dogs are barking because of an Amazon delivery, I have two choices: I can either address the situation with a gentle negative, or save that battle for another day. If I choose to give a negative, I won’t just yell at them to knock it off, and then give up when they (unsurprisingly) continue barking. Rather, I'll continue follow through and gently negate their behavior until it stops. Once it stops, I can then give my dogs something more appropriate to do and then give them a positive for their more appropriate behavior.
Alternatively, I can choose to ignore the barking for now. Sometimes, it's okay to let some battles go, especially if you're busy or frazzled after a long day.
4. Remember the 90/10 Rule of Dog Training
One of my favorite quotes is from the 18th century rule, Empress Catherine the Great:
Praise loudly, scold softly.
So what does that mean to your dog? It doesn't mean use 100% positive reinforcement style training exclusively. Not all of your dog's behaviors are having a positive effect on life in general, so negatives are necessary part of life. But think of your dog's behavior as a conversation.
"Can I jump on you?" No, you may not. Simple, gentle negation. We don't dwell on the negatives, but we don't shy away from giving them. Negatives are merely something that is required. They aren't good or bad, they just happen to be the opposite of positives.
But here's the important part: strive to merely give the negatives, but focus on the positives.
I try to follow a 90/10 rule: 10% negatives, 90% positives. There are plenty of behaviors your dog is giving you that you could be marking with a positive. But if all they're ever getting from you is negatives, it starts to feel overwhelming, as if they can't do anything right.
So don't be afraid to give a negative (be afraid of hurting, scaring or dominating a dog). But don't forget that giving positives like love, affection, praise and treats are the entire reason we have dogs.
5. Understand Your Dog is Stressed, Too
I was recently working with a very leash reactive dog named Delight (isn't that a great name?!). Delight is a little dog, but full of fire and brimstone when another dog comes by her during her walks.
I worked with her mom, and Delight has made some wonderful progress.
Today during our walk, we passed by quite a few dogs, with Delight putting up no fuss at all once she had been Piloted through the situation.
Her mom had a question, though.
"Why is it we can now go past so many dogs without issue, and then suddenly Delight will decide that for whatever reason, the 7th dog we pass, or the 9th dog, or whatever number, is just not acceptable?"
Stress. The reason is your dog may be quietly going past these other dogs while out on her walk, and that seems like quite the achievement (it is!), but she's still definitely nervous on the inside, even if she's stopped manifesting it as leash aggression on the outside.
Think about how many times you've had some crisis going on in your life, but you manage to internalize it, and deal with it calmly, even though on the inside you're struggling.
To see you deal with the situation, another person might think that it was no big deal to you. But if I were to pile numerous stressful situations on you, no matter how calmly you dealt with each one, eventually you'd hit a breaking point. You'd snap from all the stress and pressure.
And that's exactly what happened with Delight. After struggling internally past so many dogs, the last one turned out to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
So keep in mind that your dog-reactive dog is indeed still struggling on the walk, they've just finally switched the struggle from manifesting outwardly towards other dogs, to inwardly simmering. You've still got some work to do to make sure your dog isn't overwhelmed with constant stressors to the point of lashing out again.
We don't want your dog overwhelmed with too much stimuli (i.e., other dogs) or underwhelmed, and not exposed to new stimuli.
I guess we're just looking for your dog to be simply... whelmed, if that's even a thing.
"Whelmed" involves frequent mental health breaks of sniffing during walks. Stopping to be pet, or receive a treat. Sometimes maintaining that pleasant state of whelmed involves a positive or break from both too much or too little stimuli or stressors.
So the next time your dog is doing well in a stressful situation, realize that there is still an internal battle that may still be raging. Do you best to keep your dog in a manageable state of "whelmed".
6. Create a Safe Space for Your Dog
Trust thrives in a secure environment. Designate an area where your dog can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. This could be their bed, a quiet corner, or a crate. A safe space allows your dog to manage stress and anxiety better. Allow them to have access to this safe space at any time they need it.
Dogs with access to a safe zone exhibit fewer anxiety-driven behaviors, resulting in a calmer demeanor. Knowing they have a refuge makes it easier for dogs to feel secure and relaxed.
Think of it as the equivalent of having a glass of wine, a bubble bath and reading a good book after a long, stressful day. Your dog needs a mental break, too. Let them recharge.
7. Give Your Dog (and Yourself) a Break
Does your puppy really need to learn to sit by the end of the day? Does your dog really need to understand proper behavior by the end of this walk?
As a child my daughter River would constantly hear me say to her, "I love you very much, River. Now go to your room so you can continue breathing."
Was she a bad kid? Absolutely not. Was her behavior at those times negative? Sometimes. But sometimes my behavior was on the cusp of becoming negative and I was unable to see a situation clearly due to frustration, anger, or just plain being tired. Rather than engaging in a battle that didn't (or shouldn't) need to happen, I chose to disengage until I could see things more clearly.
And soon my daughter started to follow suit. She became overwhelmed, rather than lashing out, she would retreat to her room to collect herself, and then we could calmly work through our problems together. With love.
But without taking a break, that would not have happened.
We sometimes forget that our dogs (and our kids) aren't giving us a hard time. They are having a hard time.
So if your dog's behavior is making your eyelid twitch, take a step back. You don't need to nail proper leash etiquette Right This Minute. That leash will still be there tomorrow. But if you continue when you're frustrated, you may act in frustration, and that bond of trust with your may not survive.
8. Review Your Dog Training and Behavior Goals
Are you guilty of piling on the commands for your dog?
Your dog is jumping on a guest, so you tell them "sit", which, to your dog's credit, they try to do, but sitting still is just so difficult. And now you find yourself reminding them every few seconds to "sit".
But what was your actual goal?
To not let your dog jump on the guest. Literally, your dog could be doing so many other things, except jumping on your guest. But rather than simply negating the jumping, you turned it into a battle of My Dog Must Sit. In other words, you turned a simple "Don't do this one thing" into a battle of "You must do this other thing instead". Your dog doesn't need to sit, your dog just need to not jump. And that's such and easier thing to accomplish.
So review your goals, and make sure your actions are aligned with your dog training goals. Learn more about setting those goals here.
9. Don't Forget to Have Fun with Your Dog
I learned the best new word recently:
The concept is to build a bonds of love, trust and mutual respect with your dog, not to constantly be drilling for perfection.
Play with your dog. Wrestle with them if that's your thing (and theirs) or go have a game of fetch (if that's their thing). There are so many ways to begin to build a positive bond with your dog, and most don't involve traditional dog training.
Sometimes, snuggling in bed for a long periods of time is the training for the day.
10. Be Patient and Persistent
Patience is critical for building communication and trust with your dog. Every dog (and human) learns at their own pace, and some may pick up commands faster than others. If your dog struggles, take a moment to assess your training methods.
Are you catching the positives? Are you dwelling on the negatives (or skipping out on them entirely)? Most importantly, are you bent on dominating your dog into "obedience", rather than helping your dog by gently guiding and shaping their behaviors when your dog is stressed or overwhelmed.
Let your dog know that you are here for the long term, and while you may need to take a break and reboot, you are both in this together.
Elevating Your Bond with Your Dog
Encouraging positive behaviors starts with understanding the “why” difficult behaviors are happening. Behaviors are shaped through trust and respect, not domination, coercion or persuasion. Embody the behavior you wish to see reflected in your dog.
Most dog owners are confused about their dog’s behaviors and how to build a trust-based relationship with their dog, so we created a dog training method for dog owners with a focus on dog behaviors. From in-home private training to coaching packages, we believe that guiding a dog’s behavior is a journey we take together, and is not the sole responsibility of the dog nor the owner.
Because every dog deserves to be the Best Dog Ever.
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