It's so frustrating. You're doing everything that's expected of you to have a well behaved dog, from a canine training regimen to all the enrichment toys and exercise a pup could ever want. You've even been taking them for leash walks at least 2 x a day. But your dog is still jumping, barking, and in general being a terror to society. What gives?
Discover how a recent issue with my dogs' behavior during walks was resolved, and how I was able to ensure that it doesn't happen again.
I have two high-energy dogs: Arwen, my Border(line Personality Disorder) Collie, and Hazel, my (Bossy) Aussie. On top of their engines always being on idle, they also have a very low tolerance for boredom.
When I decided to bring them into my family, I knew exactly what I was getting into. I didn't have any delusions of turning them into service dogs, or emotional support animals, as their temperaments are completely unsuitable for that. I love them for who they are, not what they can do for me. And you never really know who your dog is, or can become, until you give them what they need: Piloting, Activity, and Work.
But recently, I found myself struggling with my morning walk with them.
Every morning, we typically walk up to a local abandoned soccer field, about 1/8 mile from our house. We play fetch and then walk the track for a bit, and honestly, I think it's their favorite spot in the world. They love it.
However, lately, I each morning felt like we had regressed back to leash-training rather than going for a walk: non-stop Piloting for each of them. It was getting to the point where I was frustrated and started to resent my morning walks with them.
So I devised a foolproof plan to regain my morning sanity.
Okay, so maybe not the best plan. I came up with another one. Although, I do still have my back up plan, just in case.
So let's start at the beginning, the same way I do when I'm working through one of my client's issues with their dog's behavior.
Take Inventory of Your Goals for Your Dog
My ultimate goal with my dogs is that they are calm, happy, and not obedient, but rather, trust me enough that any answers I give them through Piloting are easily accepted. These are the same goals I had with my children, and if we claim to love our pets like children, we need to set boundaries and goals for them the same as our children.
In other words, I don't want to take away their voice, but I want their voice to be a conversation, or even a discussion, rather than a constant argument.
My smaller scale goal was to make sure that I didn't unalive them when we walked up to get them their morning exercise.
Review Your Plan for Your Dog's Behavior
How best to do this? Well, calm and happy is handled with activity and mental work. Since my dogs eat out of enrichment feeders first thing in the morning, their need for mental work is dealt with before we even walk out the door.
And I was focusing on getting them their activity, so they could behave on the walk, on our way to get them their activity, so they could behave on our walk.
Wait.
I was taking them for a walk towards their favorite thing in the world, expecting them to show utmost impulse control, and not require Piloting, before them getting any activity so they could keep their sanity.
Suddenly it became clear. What I was doing was the equivalent of, as a child, my parents always expecting me to sit still during church for 1.5 hours. On Christmas. Before opening presents. After having had sugar cookies for breakfast.
Of course it always ended in my parents threatening, cajoling, and trying to bribe their kids into good behavior, but the root of the problem is that we just weren't set up for success. So my parents ended up frustrated.
And I was doing the same thing to my dogs. I knew they were always most hyper when heading to the soccer field for play, but I expected them to keep their sanity in check while walking there first thing in the morning before they'd had their activity... which they need to keep their sanity.
And there we have it. My plan was clearly flawed.
Set Your Dog Up For Success By Managing Expectations
So obviously my dogs still needed exercise to ensure good behavior, and the soccer field is an obvious easy way to get it, but could I go about this more efficiently, at least for my sanity? Absolutely.
I could simply drive that 1/8 mile to the field, eliminating the expectation of supreme impulse control from my dogs entirely
I could wear them out slightly before walking up there (flirt pole in the backyard & fetch up the stairs)
I could change the routine and go to the field in the evening
I could skip the field and work on other ways to exercise them
I could take a slightly different route to the field, throwing them off a bit
I could take them separately (divide and conquer)
In the end, I decided to do a mix of these things.
For 2 days, I drove them up to the field, wore them out, and then drove home. I immediately put their leashes on them and walked them back to the field, where we didn't play at all, only walking the track. This threw them off a bit, as we always play there, but I needed to break that established pattern so I could help them manage their expectations properly. Instead of always playing there, it's where we usually played, but sometimes walked instead.
Since this was obviously difficult for them, as it was outside their established routine (but easier than if I hadn't worn them out first) they got plenty of positives for showing such great impulse control on the leash.
The next day, we loaded into the car, where I drove halfway to do the soccer field, and we walked the rest of the way. Yes, we drove 1/16 off a mile. That might seem insane, but what I did was manage the situation better. I knew I could handle Piloting them on a leash for that distance without my deciding to unalive them, and I had already set them up on a routine during the past 2 days: walking to the soccer field meant we did it calmly.
Prior to letting them off leash, we walked the track for a few minutes, and then we played fetch hardcore.
And they did great-ish!
After that, it we randomized walking there or driving, or a mixture of the two. Since they didn't know what to expect, they had to look to me for answers, which I happily provided.
Now walks to the soccer field are pleasant again. I could have put in more effort and struggled through the leash walks to the field, making us all nuts in the process.
Or I could have ignored the issues with my dogs, continuously lowering the bar until we all just tripped and fell over it.
Continuing Your Dog's Positive Momentum
Now that I had established calm as the normal operating procedure on the way to the field, it was simply maintenance. Piloting the walk to the field is so much easier now, and even if I somehow do let that negative energy build up again, I have a plethora of ways to handle the problem without letting the problem damage my calm.
But it all comes down to the same tactics I always use:
Control Yourself
By taking inventory of how those walks were actually making me feel, I was able to see that this was not sustainable. All of us were making each other nuts. As my dogs' Pilot (or parent), it's my job to set us all up for success. And trying to work through my dog's behaviors while I was frustrated was insane.
"Expectation is the mother of all frustration." Antonio Banderas
Part of controlling myself was managing my expectations.
The moment you find yourself saying, "Is that too much to ask?" or "Does that sound like an unreasonable expectation for my dog?", you're setting yourself up for frustration. You are expecting behavior from your dog because you think you deserve it.
But try taking a look at it from your dog's point of view. My dog's thought they deserved to get to the soccer field as quickly as possible. Was that too much of them to ask?
Reasonable expectations take into account all the variables.
Yes, as children my brothers and I were usually very well-behaved during church, but on Christmas, there were other variables in play that were not accounted for.
Just as you don't deserve your dog's negative behaviors, their positive behaviors shouldn't be thought of as something that is given automatically either. Rather, it's something that you both work towards together, finding success in empathy and communication.
Control the Situation
In order to control a situation, you have to know you're in a situation.
As I'm fond of saying, you can boil a frog alive by gradually turning up the heat. The frog never realizes the pot is too hot and will never jump out.
I didn't realize I had been struggling with our morning walks for a long time. All I knew was that I wasn't enjoying mornings with my dogs anymore. It wasn't until I was aware of the "heat" being turned up that I was able to analyze the situation and start to bring it under control.
Conclusion: Rethinking our Mindsets with Dogs
Some of us tend to attack issues with our dogs as if it's the dog's fault. Others tend to blame ourselves for our dog's negative behaviors, or if our dog is struggling through a situation. But by framing it as a problem you are both facing together, we can keep the focus where it belongs: working together towards a common goal.
Remember, your dog isn't giving you a hard time your dog is having a hard time.
I know, you're having a hard time, too. But rather than both of you being each other's "hard time" focus working through these difficulties as a team, starting with managing goals, and understanding expectations vs. reality.
And as always,
Keep Calm and Pilot On.
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