Separation anxiety; possibly one of the most difficult behaviors to struggle through as a dog owner. You know your dog doesn't mean to react the way they do, they're just absolutely crazed with fear, anxiety, and distress. So while you can't blame them, it’s still wreaking havoc on your life with barking and destruction.
Separation anxiety is a common but challenging issue that many dog owners face. Seeing your pup distressed every time you leave the house can be heart-wrenching and sadly is also a big reason pet owners surrender their pets, feeling like they are perpetually trapped in a chaotic loop of destruction and noise complaints from neighbors.
But there's hope. This comprehensive guide will help you work through your dog's separation anxiety and create a calmer, more content dog, even when they are left home alone.
Dog Behavior: Understanding Separation Anxiety
A phone call from a potential client looking for dog or puppy training. I hear the usual (yet adorable) talk about how much they love their dog, praising all their dog's qualities, and then a deep breath...
"But...."
Please don't say separation anxiety, please don't say separation anxiety
"My dog has really bad separation anxiety."
Separation anxiety in dogs is characterized by excessive anxiety when they are left alone. Signs may vary from destructive actions, like chewing on furniture and scratching doors, to more subtle behaviors such as excessive whining, drooling, and, my personal favorite, having accidents indoors even though they are housebroken.
Unlike other behavioral issues your dog may experience, separation anxiety requires a greatly nuanced approach to work through their anxiety, and unfortunately, that can take some time. Separation anxiety can be difficult because, unlike other negative behaviors such as jumping, barking, leash antics, or even aggression or dog reactivity, the Big Bad that your dog is constantly struggling against doesn't just go away after a brief exposure.
Whereas the leash idiocy your dog is giving you only lasts the duration of the walk. Barking ceases after the Amazon delivery is completed. Separation anxiety, unfortunately, is an almost constant reality your dog faces (and by extension, you face as well).
You go to work for 8 hours or more a day, leaving your dog every day. You need to go grocery shopping. You'd like some semblance of a social life.
And FFS, can you just for once use the bathroom by yourself?
It's so frustrating to come home to another set of chewed shoes. Ruined blinds. A completely redesigned living room.
It’s important to understand that your dog isn’t acting out of spite or misbehavior, but rather as a reaction to the stress of being alone. They aren't being vengeful or spiteful.
Let me clear something up: "Rage-shitting" is not a thing with dogs.
Your dog isn't mad that they are left home alone, and they aren't trying to punish you. What they are dealing with anxiety. So let's help them through this difficult situation.
Always remember, your dog isn't giving you a hard time. Your dog is having a hard time.
Setting Your Dog Up for Success
Before you even walk out the door, be sure that you've set your dog up for successful behaviors while you're gone.
Start Piloting Your Dog's Behaviors in Other Areas
Anxiety is an all-encompassing emotion that (most likely) isn't just relegated to when you leave. Most likely your dog is experiencing mild to moderate anxiety in other situations. By helping your dog learn to cope with these more manageable situations, the difficult issue of separation anxiety becomes a lot closer to an attainable goal.
Piloting your dog's behavior means not letting them jump on guests, allowing them to bark non-stop, or drag you on a leash. A lack of impulse control (which all of these things have in common) is the exact opposite of our ultimate goal: calmness when presented with a difficult situation.
By guiding and shaping your dog's behavior in these other areas, you are setting a precedent of a calm lifestyle, which includes some time spent at home alone.
Take a look at your dog's normal day-to-day behavior. Is it filled with non-stop instances of rambunctious behavior, resembling an over-caffeinated toddler at Christmas? Or does your dog display anxiety about everything in life, and has a problem processing new stimuli?
Neither of these two situations lends itself to calmness, which is our goal. By making calmness a natural part of life, and normalizing it, you are setting up your dog for success when leaving them home alone.
And along those lines, if your dog never allows you any personal space, even at home, you are setting your dog up for failure when you leave. A common scenario I set up for my clients is to practice some healthy social distancing from your dog.
If your dog is usually nor more than 3 feet from your bumper, back them off to 5 feet. Normalize them not tailgating you. Then add a bit more distance. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. After about 10 feet of distance (and some practice), most dogs stop riding their human's bumper all the time. And that's the first step in working through separation anxiety.
Plan Your Dog's Success Route
Ready to walk out that door now? Not so fast...did you make a plan for your dog's success?
Most likely, your dog is bored and/or has too much energy. When you're gone, that boredom and hyperactivity is amplified.
Establish a Routine for Your Dog (Usually)
Dogs thrive on routine. Establish a consistent schedule for feeding, walking, and alone time. This predictability helps your dog feel more secure and less anxious.
That is, until some unexpected event arrives and suddenly you've broken that routine. Now comes panic and chaos.
So yes, it's important to set up what normally happens, but sometimes we deviate from that normal routine, and that's okay. Start with small changes to your routine (feeding 15-20 minutes earlier or later than usual, varying where you go on a walk) and help your dog learn to adjust to unforeseen events. They may never like deviating from their routine, but the accompanying panic will be lessened.
Create a Safe Space for Your Dog
Crates are a wonderful tool, and never should be considered a punishment anymore than using a baby gate or a crib for a very young child is considered a punishment. Utilized correctly, you can eliminate your dog's anxiety, and help them feel safe, and most importantly, keep them from harming themselves.
Designate a specific area in your home where your dog feels comfortable and secure. Make this space inviting, but not very "exciting", so they associate it with calmer positive feelings.
Now here's the hack: put them in that space often, not just when you leave. Put them in their space for 20 minutes while you cook dinner. Put them in there while you take a long bath, or maybe even for just 5 minutes while you sit in a chair and read a book.
By only putting your dog in their space/crate when you leave, you're creating a connotation, that when they go into their crate, you are automatically leaving. That escalates their anxiety before you've even walked out the door.
Yet through reinforcing calm behavior when in their crate, even when you're home, you are helping to de-escalate their energy levels when you finally do leave.
Teach Your Dog to Be Happily Bored
This has everything to do with your dog's coping mechanisms and how it relates to being bored. But what if they don't have any?
For example, we had a tornado literally 1/2 mile from my house a few months ago. Power was knocked out for about a week. It seemed like everyone panicked about charging their cell phones. Why? Because that was their sole source of entertainment.
Yes, I get that you want to be able to make phone calls, but the level of panic that I saw was closer to the separation anxiety I see with dogs. Nobody had any coping skills for anything other than the easy entertainment of scrolling on their phones.
Now think of that in terms of your dog. Are you your dog's equivalent of a cell phone? Are you the provider of all their entertainment? Are they lost without the constant stream of stimuli you provide?
It's time to teach your dog how to be properly (and happily) bored, and make their time alone just a little less stressful.
Use Positive Reinforcement For Your Dog's Calm Behavior
Your dog won't ever like being home alone. That's a fact. But we can start to mark a dog's calm behavior when alone using a positive. By utilizing positive reinforcement techniques (rather than punitive dog training methods) we can catch and recreate that behavior we're striving for: calmness.
Learn how to utilize positives correctly in this article.
Additional Tools and Resources for Your Dog
Sometimes, additional tools can be beneficial. Consider the use of:
Interactive Toys:
Keep your dog mentally engaged with toys that challenge and alleviate boredom during your absence. Just make sure you're using them correctly. Learn how here.
Auditory Cues:
Whenever I'm about to leave for an extended period of time, I always play the same playlist on repeat for my dogs. It started when I first got them. I would put them "down for a nap" every afternoon, using that music as a transitionary cue of what was about to happen. They became accustomed to associating that music with calm time, so it was a breeze to add that to when I left the house as well.
Professional Help:
If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional assistance. A dog behaviorist can provide personalized guidance and support.
Final Thoughts on Separation Anxiety with Dogs
Remember, overcoming separation anxiety takes time and patience. Your dog looks to you for comfort and security, so maintaining a calm, not just as you're walking out the door, but as a lifestyle.
By guiding and shaping your dog's behaviors without punishing them for their anxieties, you are creating a bond with your dog based on trust and respect.
Don’t let separation anxiety disrupt your life any longer. And always remember you're not alone on this journey. Feel free to reach out for more guidance or support. Together, we can achieve remarkable results.
And as always,
Keep Calm and Pilot On.
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