Your dog ignores your commands, barks nonstop, drags on walks, and won't just won't listen. How do you train an untrainable dog? You don't. Discover the alternative.
If you do an internet search for dog training, one of the prompts you'll find in your search is "stubborn dog training". It's fascinating how many people think their dog is stubborn, which is why training their dog is going so poorly. So rather than training your dog, it's time you learned how to Pilot your dog's behaviors instead. Find out how.
When my daughter, River, was about 4, her grandmother called her a stubborn child. The situation? River wouldn't put on her shoes when it was time to leave.
So how do you respond?
I made River say thank you to my mother for the compliment because stubbornness is just determination in the opposite direction. And after all, I would rather have a determined child than an obedient one.
Does that mean I allowed River to do whatever she wanted? No. But by taking a step back to see why she was so determined to remain shoeless, it was easier to gently shift her determination to match my own agenda.
Because name calling and pigeon-holing a kid into the role of "stubborn" is easy (and fruitless); but gently molding and shaping behaviors can bring about the responses I was looking for.
Training a Stubborn Dog
Your dog is no different. You aren't training a stubborn dog. You are trying to change a behavior that your dog thinks is absolutely appropriate given the situation. Behaviors such as barking, dragging you on a leash, and relieving themself indoors all seem like very reasonable options to your dog.
Why shouldn't your dog continue to bark, even after you've told him to stop? Why should your dog walk nicely on a leash? Why should your dog potty outside instead of having accidents in the house?
So how do you train a dog who just won't listen? The answer is, you don't.
Let's break it down using the Piloting Method of shaping your dog's behaviors.
Dog Training vs. Dog Behavior
Let's take a step back to the saga of River vs. Shoes, or the Battle of Wills, as I like to refer to it.
Dogs and kids aren't too different. Both are struggling to find some sense of control in a world in which they don't have a lot of autonomy. And neither dogs nor kids are imbued with what I'd call a large amount of natural self-regulation or impulse control.
So they act like a dog or a child naturally will, and are called...bad kids? Stubborn dogs?
Both exhibit their natural behaviors and are punished for it. That's disturbing.
So back to River vs. Shoes. I could see my daughter wasn't giving us a hard time, she was having a hard time. As the person in control of her tiny little destiny, it was up to me to figure out the wherefores and whys of her behavior, and automatically squash it because it didn't align with my objectives.
It looked something like this.
Me: River, you need to put on your shoes. Why aren't they on yet?
River: I don't want to.
Me: I didn't ask if you wanted to, I said you need to put on your shoes. Let me know why you're struggling with this task.
River: I don't want to put on my shoes.
Me: Not putting on shoes is not an option. However, do you need help? (I proceed to put them on the wrong feet) What's wrong with your feet?! Why isn't this working?! (Proceeds to put them on backward while pretending to struggle)
At this point, River was laughing at the confused parent and informed me she would teach me how to put shoes on, taking me through the steps slowly. I congratulate her and thank her for showing me how to do it properly.
Both of our objectives were attained: River had her shoes on, which is what I wanted. And River was able to take control of her own little world and be in charge of an adult, which is all she wanted.
Let me repeat that: my daughter was being taught how to become autonomous and utilize self-control in an age-appropriate fashion.
She was given negatives (shoelessness is not an option). She was allowed to state her preference as many times as she needed to (shoelessness) but was met with the same response each time (negative).
I then removed excess stimuli/drama (being forced to do something she doesn't want to do herself) by starting to do it (badly) myself. She was rebooted by my absurd behavior and ended up putting on her shoes herself.
Mission accomplished.
No yelling. No tears. No bribing. No threatening.
And this is the crux of Piloting. And the difference between training and behavior.
River had been "trained" to put on her shoes, so training wasn't an issue; her behavior was.
If you start to think of your dog's or kid's behavior as productive, neutral or unproductive, it's so much easier to see how your responses should be. Productive behavior is met with enthusiastic positives (ie., teaching me how to put on shoes). Neutral behavior is usually ignored (such as River singing to herself as she puts on her shoes). Unproductive behavior is met with a negative.
Piloting is the simple act of "answering" your dog's "questions".
The Piloting Method of Dog Training
There are technically 3 steps to Piloting a dog (or kid):
Control yourself.
Control/diffuse the situation.
Answer their questions.
1. Control yourself.
If your dog is out of control, and barking manically at the mailman, do you really think that you adding a layer of mayhem by screaming at them helps? Ask yourself, is the energy you are adding productive, neutral, or unproductive? If the answer is unproductive, then give yourself a negative.
Calm down, and stop acting just as bad as your dog.
Check your body language: are you standing up straight, like someone who won't take "no" for an answer? Or do you look like a supplicant begging for alms?
Find out more about how your body language affects your dog in this article.
2. Control/diffuse the situation.
This one can be a little more difficult. In the situation with River, I diffused the situation with humor. I didn't need to meet her head-on in a battle of wills. I needed to help de-escalate the situation while not giving in to her demands (thus creating precedence). The same happens with your dog.
How do you do that? Start by identifying the source of the drama. If your dog is reactive, it might be that poodle across the street. If your dog is jumping on a people, then obviously it's the guest that just stopped by.
Sometimes you can't tell what your dog is reacting to, but you can definitely see the direction your dog is oriented to (generally wherever they are facing with great interest).
Your goal is to give your dog a buffer zone from the drama. It's the drama (in the form of a poodle, guest, etc.) that is keeping your dog from being able to control their behavior and thereby do as they are told.
For instance, my Border Collie, Arwen, is absolutely fantastic and has an amazing amount of self-control. She is very well-trained, and her behavior is impeccable.
Unless there is a tennis ball in sight.
So for Arwen, the drama is the tennis ball. I can give her a simple command, like sit or come, and she literally can't do it. She's so focused on the ball that she can't even process the command she was just given.
How do I handle that?
Initially, I would simply pick up the ball and hold it behind my back. That had the same effect as almost unplugging her and plugging her back in. She would reboot instantly when the ball was out of sight.
Gradually, I worked on having the ball mostly out of sight and then building on her impulse control from there.
I'm not going to lie, she still struggles a bit if there's a ball around, but she's now capable of processing directions even if there is a tennis ball about. It's a struggle for her, but she can do it. And I'm so proud of her when she does.
Learn more about controlling a situation in this article.
3. Answer your dog's "questions".
Remember, ask yourself whether their behavior is productive, neutral, or unproductive. If your dog's behavior is productive, then give them a positive. If it's unproductive, you need to give them a negative.
NOTE: a negative given to a dog should never involve pain, punishment, or fear tactics any more than it should with a child.
The goal is communication, not domination.
Conclusion: Gentle Dog Training vs. Dog Obedience.
I don't wand to have obedient dogs. I don't want obedient kids, either. I just don't want disobedient dogs or kids. There is a huge difference there.
Neither one of my daughters were raised to blindly accept what they were told to do without question. Questions are always welcome. They didn't have to like my answers any more than my dog's like a negative, but they are never afraid of my answers. And occasionally my answers did change based on new information.
River is 17 as of the time of this post. For those of you wondering how this Piloting Method for dog training works on kids, well...
She currently has a 4.1 GPA (with a 4.3 on her last report card!)
She has never told me she hates me, but feels safe in our relationship to say she feels unheard or angry
Shows more impulse control that I do sometimes (hey, it's Paczki season in Cleveland! Yes, I'll have a third!!!)
So what you're asking me is if fostering mutual respect, teaching impulse control, and recognizing positive behaviors works on dogs and kids? I think you have your answer.
Struggling With Training Your Dog?
Have you ever considered how the focus on communication to understand dog behavior can revolutionize your dog's behavior? Rather than relying solely on conventional dog training, what if we concentrated on understanding the motivations behind our dog's actions, thereby easily guiding and shaping our pup's behaviors?
Many of us don't seek a perfectly obedient dog; we simply want one that isn't disobedient. Some people prefer dogs that act like robots, avoiding any mistakes, but that's not my style.
For over 20 years, I have developed and perfected the Piloting Method for training dogs. This approach avoids using force, harsh shock or prong collars, and does not depend on click-and-treat methods.
I strive to establish a bond with my dog based on trust and communication, instead of domination or bribery.
Discover more about our Piloting Method for training dogs and puppies through our in-home dog training and behavior packages.
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