Over 65% of dog owners initially look for dog training services to address their pup's anxiety. That's a staggering high amount of anxiety that our dogs are facing. While there is no magic cure for anxiety, there are ways to lessen it's stranglehold on both dogs and humans, helping both live a calmer, happier life. Read on to learn the 5 tips for anxiety I teach my clients when training their dogs.
I read once that the textbook definition of anxiety is fear of the unknown, and ever since then, my entire outlook on anxiety has changed, both in how I work through it with dogs as well as humans. At some point in my dog training sessions, a human will share with me that they have anxiety as well.
Anxiety can be a fickle nemesis, varying between butterflies in the stomach, to a full-on incapacitating gut-punch of fear, knocking you down for the count. Although we will never fully be able to alleviate anxiety in dogs or humans, there are many ways that we can make these fears more manageable, leading to calmer happier lives.
How Does Anxiety Fit Into Dog Training and Behavior?
Let's quickly address a common misconception: dog behavior and dog training are two completely different things. Think of behavior in terms of emotions, and training in terms of learned reactions to stimuli. So for example in a human, behavior is that I might panic initially when I see that I accidentally published this blog post before it was finished (thus triggering an email sent to everyone). However, I was trained how to use my platform, so I simply performed a URL redirect so now they have an older article covering the same topic.
Behavior is the anxiety a kid feels when they have a test coming up in math, but training teaches them that studying is they way through this anxiety.
Behavior is your dog's anxiety about fireworks, being left home alone, or even seeing another dog across the street; training is helping them have a gameplan on how to react to that anxiety.
Remember, anxiety is fear of the unknown. We can't know everything, so of course there are going to be times when we mess up (and drop our laptop and accidentally publish an article with only 1/2 paragraph done). Training is acclimating our selves to action, rather than staying in a frozen panicked state (in my case, a URL redirect).
Anxiety is the product of a negative emotion without a plan.
Negative emotions such as fear are a natural part of life. But without a plan surrounding the fear, anxiety shows up. That applies to both humans and dogs.
Let's come up with a plan to guide both you and your dog through anxiety.
As pet parents, we want what's best for our dogs: happy, calm, and stress-free lives. And in an effort to give that to our dogs, we forget that "stress-free" is like communism: it looks good on paper.
Reality is that there will always be stressors in our life. But we're so focused on eliminating all stress from our dog's lives that we never actually give them a game plan for managing stress when it comes their way.
1. Be Mindful of Your Own Energy if Your Dog is Anxious
Your dog is stressed at the vet's office, or when they see a scary dog across the street, so you start using that high-pitched, squeaky voice, telling your dog over and over (and over) again that It's Okay You're Fine, when in reality, your dog is anything but fine.
You aren't helping the situation. Your dog isn't okay, he's anxious. You are lying to yourself that your dog is fine. He's not.
And you're trying to lie to your dog that the situation is okay. It's not. Accept that.
Reality is your dog is scared, and maybe you are, too. Stop railing against reality, and come up with a game plan to help your dog through this reality.
If your energy is high, your voice is squeaky and high-pitched, you are adding negative energy to the situation, and forcing your dog to deal with it. So......shhhhh! Ask yourself if you were in the hospital, and the doctor came to speak to you that you would be needing emergency surgery, if you would feel confident in the doctors capability if they used the same voice you are using right now.
Probably not.
It's okay if you can't keep the shakiness out of your voice. Just don't speak at all.
2. Use Calm Body Language with Your Dog
Similar to not adding energy with the your voice, don't add energy with your movements.
Dog owners tend to do this truly puzzling thing when their dogs are stressed. I call it "rage petting". The odd rapid petting you do to try to sooth your dog when they're scared or anxious.
During my dog training sessions, I always underscore a 3 step process for dealing with any dog's behavioral problems. And step 1 is always control yourself.
As Liz Taylor said, put on some lipstick, pour yourself a drink, and pull yourself together.
Yes, I understand that this can be difficult if you are a person struggling with anxiety yourself, but yes, it can be done. Just accept you need to pour yourself a bigger drink. And then take a deep breath.
It's okay if you don't feel calm. Fake it.
Tell your brain to tell your shoulders to stop tensing up. Good!
Now tell your brain to tell your spine to straighten out as if you are balancing a book on your head. Excellent!
Keep going from there until you are portraying the calm, quiet confidence that your dog desperately needs right now. Make sure you not only sound calm (or silent) but look calm, even, and measured.
Channel your inner Professor McMonagle.
Or even better, the farmer from Babe.
3. Make an Anxious Dog's World a Bit Smaller
Not coincidentally, the second step I cover with my clients during our dog training sessions is how to control a situation.
Do not add stimuli to a situation that you already lost control of. In other words, if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
How does that look with a dog? A great example is what I call the calm inner circle.
Simply put, walk your dog in a circle, with your dog towards the center. You can gently guide your dog using your body. If your dog is still struggling, make the circle smaller, until your dog is "rebooted".
Similarly, if your dog is currently a jumping, hyper mess because you brought out a leash ("WALK TIME!!!!"), trying to lasso your dog like a deranged ninja is only adding energy and stimuli. Again, make their world a bit smaller, or rather lessening the stimuli. Stand up straight, ball up the leash in one hand, and wait them out (or better yet, Pilot them). When they calm down, you can then add the stimuli of slowly moving towards them with the leash.
Fireworks make your dog anxious? Hang out with them in a smaller room while you act nonchalant (read: no rage soothing).
Vet's office? Sit on the bench with your dog under the bench. The world has to get through you to get to them.
And a leash is never a bad idea to make your dog's world smaller. Don't be afraid to use it in the house if guests are over and your dog has problems with their energy.
Coco Chanel always said, "Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory." Always ask yourself, what other stimuli can I remove before moving forward?
4. The Link Between Exercise and Dog Training an Anxious Dog
Exercise alone is not a cure-all for your dog's anxiety. But then again, if you have anxiety, and I told you to drink a glass of water, will that fix the problem? Probably not.
But what if I removed all your access to water for the next 2 days? You can't function at all, let alone work through your anxiety. A dog who doesn't get enough exercise can't function properly.
Activity for your dog isn't the cure for anxiety any more than water will cure anxiety in humans, but a well-exercised dog with frequent activity is setting the foundation for working through your dog's behavioral issues. You can't train a dog who hasn't had enough exercise.
So stop thinking of exercise as a cure for your dog's anxiety or negative behaviors, but rather as the foundation you set so you can address those behaviors.
Need some ideas for exercising your dog beyond a walk? Give this article a read.
5. Give You & Your Dog Some Grace
There's a saying I think of a lot: "It's like the blind leading the blind".
As a child, I completely misunderstood the original intention of that saying. Rather, my mind immediately went into a different direction:
The bravest person is the blind person trying to lead the other blind person.
Both people are dealing with the exact same situation, but one decides that they are going to accept that they are blind, and while that can't be changed, they were not going to be incapacitated by their fear, but start on a path. Come up with a plan. And not only were they going to enact a plan, they were going to try to guide another along the same path.
Just as I don't think the blind person leading the blind expects a smooth path without any challenges, we can't expect to have our plan that accompanies our anxieties to be flawless. Our beauty as humans is our flaws...that we use as launchpads towards the stars.
Similarly to the blind person lead the blind, you will trip and fall occasionally. But you have a path, and a plan. You refuse to freeze like a frightened little bunny.
Give yourself the grace to acknowledge that yes, you have anxiety. So does your dog. The difference is, you also have a plan. And now you can be the anxious leading the anxious.
And that is the very definition of bravery.
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