Instances of separation anxiety in dogs have drastically increased due to the new prevalence of owners who work from home. Your dog's anxious behavior is understandable, but needs to be addressed through dog behavior, not a dog training.
Only by addressing the underlying behaviors can your dog begin to feel secure when left home alone. Discover our five steps to managing your dog's separation anxiety, and help your dog overcome anxiety and feel calmer when they are alone.
Updated 07/20/2024
Separation anxiety. As a dog trainer and behaviorist, I hate those words so much, because those two short words encompass such fear and terror, inadequately describing the mental state of a dog who is experiencing the condition.
I personally believe that “separation trauma” or even “separation madness” may be better descriptions of this condition, even if only marginally. Because after all, in order to work with a behavior, an adequate understanding of the emotions of, as well as empathy for, the poor creature experiencing the condition, is absolutely necessary.
And it can get awful. Your dog turns into a frightened creature who is shredding their bedding and their crate just to get out so they can shred your couch. Crying, whining, drooling, even urination and defecation in their crate. It’s horrible, and as I said, all driven by fear.
Working with dogs who have separation anxiety isn't an easy fix. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the most difficult behaviors to work with when addressing issues with dogs. But it can be managed. Here’s how.
1) Learn to Pilot Your Dog
What is Piloting? Well, you can find out in this article, but brief explanation is to look at it is like parenting. A parent's job is to guide their child through scary and difficult situations in general. A parent helps a child navigate the world when the child is having impulse control issues, or just has a random question
And the more situations the child is safely guided through by the parent, the more faith they have in their parent.
Piloting is similar, only I assign a make-believe dollar amount (the Piloting Piggy Bank) to each question you answer, so you can visualize starting to build up a savings account for a rainy day (or when your leave your dog home alone)
In other words, you have so much money in your Piloting Piggy Bank that they start to accept that you answered the last 25 of their questions, and nobody died, that the next question they ask will most likely be answered. Answers are given calmly, and with love, but firmly.
You need to make sure you have a buffer of Piloting money, in other words. Remember, working with separation anxiety doesn’t start when you leave Bella the Boxer to go to work. It’s an ongoing, non-stop thing. You’re working on it every time Bella asks if she can rudely jump on you and you give her a negative . In other words, any questions you Pilot your dog through adds to the money in your Piloting Piggy Bank.
Each question is worth a certain amount of money. For instance, if I drop food on the floor, my Arwen will ask if she may have it. I need precisely $0.02 in my Piloting Piggy Bank to answer her question. My Hazel, though, will ask the same question, but it’s worth more to her. I need about $10.00 in my Piloting Piggy Bank to answer that question for Hazel.
It’s all good, though. Because I’m rich - I have millions in my Piloting Piggy Bank. Enough to cover almost any questions my dogs may ask, including “Am I going to die if you leave me home alone?” My answer? No, honey, you’re not going to die.
So start saving that Piloting money!
2. Dogs Thrive on Normalcy and Routines
Think about the times when you put your dog into the crate: when you leave and when you go to bed. Both times you are separated from your dog, the thing they hate the most: separation. So that crate has become a trigger for them. The Worst Thing Ever is about to happen. It energizes them, and not in a good way. You haven’t even left yet, and they’re already starting with that anxious behavior.
We need to change the ritual. Put them in the crate when you’re home, anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 hours. Yes, I know you feel badly for doing that when they’re already crated so much while you work.
Too bad.
I don’t care how you feel in this situation. I care about getting your dog past their anxiety and fear. You feel bad (because your a good, empathetic person). They feel like they’re having a panic attack. So just deal with it. It will be okay. I promise.
3) Your Dog's World: Red Light/Green Light
Working with your dog's separation anxiety is a delicate balance between exposing them to being left alone without letting them lose their minds.
The important part is to always keep this mantra in your head:
In order to recreate a behavior, you have to catch that behavior with a positive
What does that mean? Giving a gentle positive when your dog is calm(er) in the crate.
In order to recreate a behavior, such as calm in the crate, we need to catch the behavior and give it a positive (learn how to here). Now, let’s set the game rules.
The object of the game isn’t to have your dog sitting calmly in the crate. The object is to catch moments when your dog is just a little bit calmer than they were a moment ago. Respond to that with positives.
Progress not perfection.
You're not looking for a touchdown with the first play of the game. You're looking to move the ball closer to home plate with each play.
So you’ve locked your dog in the crate, and they immediately start going bonkers. Walk away. Not out of the house, but out of sight. There will be a moment when the barking, while not stopping, lessens. Or even a split second where the barking stops. You seize those moments to slowly move closer to your dog.
If your dog’s energy picks up, you will be responding to that with calm, gentle negatives. Initially, it will be turning away from your dog when they start barking again, perhaps going into the other room.
Keep working at catching each of these behaviors. Red light (walking away, going into another room) when your dog has increased their energy. Green light (moving closer to them in a calm manner, and eventually giving them a treat, and or releasing them) when your dog is calmer.
Initially the red light/green light will be pretty fast. But pretty soon they start to understand what behavior gets them released and brings you closer.
Start to up the ante. Put them in the crate and walk out of the house. Walk right back in. Red Light/Green Light your dog as necessary, but adding very little of your own energy. This should be the most boring thing you’ve ever done, according to your body language.
4) Reflect the Calmness Your Want in Your Dog
This goes for everything from greeting your pup to saying goodbye to your pooch. Everything is boring and normal. We, like dogs, are gregarious creatures, often using others' body language to determining threats. We meerkat, as I call it. We look around at what everyone else is doing. If nobody else looks panicked, then we don’t panic.
But if you’re in a crowd of people, and suddenly, 2 or three of them start meerkatting, you start doing it, too, because you want to do know what the big deal is.
When it comes to your dog, the answer is nothing. There is no big deal.
I want you to put your dog into the crate the same way you put your pizza rolls into a microwave. You don’t assure the pizza rolls that everything will be okay. You don't cajole them, or do a prolonged goodbye. You just, well…put them in there. And then walk away.
See! Homer isn’t worried at all!
5) Don't Trivialize Your Dog's Fear
Your dog isn’t out to get back at you. They don’t destroy things because they’re angry. They are legitimately terrified. They have a phobia of being left alone without you.
Think of your phobias. For me, ironically as a 6fth tall woman, it’s a fear of heights.
Being afraid of heights is legitimate to me. Maybe you’re afraid of spiders. They don’t bother me. Live and let live, I say. But the thought of a spider in your bedroom may render you unable to sleep in that room.
I may not be able to empathize with your fear of spiders, but I can empathize with the fact you have fear. I won’t mock you, nor will I think you’re being a baby.
Now imagine that, despite your fear of spiders, every day, I lock you in a cage with a spider for 8 hours. Yes, it’s that serious. So rather than blaming the dog, or even worse, ourselves, we can start to empathize with the fear, and help Fido manage the fear. Be constructively, actively working towards that management.
I’m still afraid of heights. I get woozy on the second rung of a ladder, and I white knuckle it over the Valley View Bridge in Cleveland.
Every. Damn. Time.
But recently, say in the last year or so, I’ve been able to drive over the Valley View Bridge in the far right lane. It may not seem like such a big deal for you, but it’s huge for me. I no longer feel the need to race across the bridge just to get it over with. I still hate it, but I’m no longer almost incapacitated by fear going over it. I’ve successfully Piloted myself past my one huge phobia: heights. My fear isn’t gone, but it’s still with me, but it doesn’t rule me anymore.
Don't let separation anxiety rule your dog anymore.
Kerry Stack
Darwin Dogs
Dog Training and Behavior
Greater Cleveland Area
216-548-6905
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